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Originally Posted by snehne21
Its a very long post. I have been married now for 8 years. I have two kids, aged 7 and 5. Last month I have found out that my wife is cheating, physically and financially, and is probably doing so for quite a long time, may be since the start of marriage. I have solid proofs. There is no question of living with her anymore. How to get out of this situation is a serious question. My kids are cuddly bears. Although my wife is at times abusive and has mood swings but overall she is a reasonable mother to them. I don’t want my kids to suffer even one day. In an ideal case scenario, they shall not even notice her absence.
Option 1: If I hire a nanny and a housemaid after her leaving, what is the guarantee that kids will accept the situation as it is? If I will try to hire before, she won’t let me do it. The other problem would be to find a good pair of them within my financial constraints. Otherwise changing them every other month would be a rather bigger disaster.
Option 2: Leave the kids with her and make reasonable arrangements and bring the kids back. There are many problems with this plan. She is narcissistic. She has never said the word Sorry in eight years after any fight we had even if it was her fault. She would portray her family: mom/dad/siblings as direct descendants of gods. Once put in this situation with proof that she is the worst one on earth, she can be extremely dangerous. I won’t trust her with kids for a few seconds after I have shown her the true face. Secondly, I don’t particularly find myself trusting ladies really soon (no offense to ladies, I know its not true for all but I am not that strong, I am an ordinary person and would sure need help to get back to normal). So would not actually be able to re-marry soon, even if I would like to do it for kids.
Please help with ideas. Every passing day, my energies to fight all this are tending to zero. I am so badly hurt and cannot stop thinking WHY? I am sure not the best one on this globe but sure not anywhere near worst either. I am very well educated person from an educated family. My parents have a perfect relationship. Never heard anything like this in my family ever. Please help.
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initially you minimize her being abusive the fact that you don't trust her with the kids speaks otherwise. Fact of the matter is, if they are being abused, constantly or periodically you need to get them out of there. even without the cheating coming into play that would be my suggestion, so adding that just underscores your need to get out and get the kids to safety.
She's probably worse than what is shown here.
Leaving her with the kids would be a mistake. In my mind it should not be an option. The alternatives are far worse for the kids than them adjusting to you and your wife being apart and their dealing with single parents. And they will adjust. Be a good parent yourself, give them all of your love and caring and they will bounce back. The opposite is true if you either stay together and let them see the marriage break down and deal with abuse or allow their mother to be responsible for their care primarily. It will break them and they will end up with a lifetime of trauma to deal with.
If you have the means, please do what you can to get out now. do not wait. The longer you let it go the worse it gets and the harder it becomes to do so.