Dear struggling_to_live,
Your posting is so heartbreaking. I and some people I know have dealt with all the things you have faced but none of us had to deal with so many while so young. Many of the things you are ashamed of are out of your control. And you have been putting up a very hard fight. Honestly, I am not even 10 percent as strong as you are! Our bankruptcy laws are there for a reason. People with a fraction of your financial problems file for bankruptcy everyday. Your father surely loves you but is likely also reeling from the death of your grandmother and the situation with the car. Until you both deal with your mental angst, probably best to keep some space while keep your door open to the possibility of reconciling later. He probably just needs time. I know from experience that in order to make amends, we first have to heal and take care of ourselves. Please keep posting, it sounds like you're not out of the woods.
Sincerely, Myst