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there have been times where she has verbally lashed out at me. She says I do not care about her at all (I do care a lot). She "dumps" me as a friend. This hurts me a lot and I can't think of what caused it and she never explains where I went wrong.
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It sounds like you want to be her friend but don't want to be lashed out at. You realize that BPD causes her behavior but it still hurts to deal with it.
An option would be to set a firm boundary. When she starts to attack, you might immediately say something like "Call me/message me when you feel better." And then hang up/send no further messages until you believe she is under control again.
You could tell her that you are going to do this.
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She often will become clingy and has called me threatening that she is going to kill herself. I don't live near her. I listen but plead with her to go to the Emergency Room.
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Threatening to kill herself is
emotional blackmail. I recommend that you google this and read up on it.
When you plead with her you are giving in to her emotional blackmail.
An option would be to tell her that you are not her crisis line and that you are not going to listen to threats of suicide. You could tell her that you are going to hang up so she can call 911. And then do it.
In summary: it sounds like you are looking at this as a black and white decision: stay friends or leave, and you don't want either choice. A third approach is to set and stick with firm boundaries. If she learns over time to cooperate, you can keep you friend and avoid her abuse. If she cannot learn to cooperate, it will be easier for you to end the friendship.