My BPD close friend has understood that I need to take care of my own emotional needs first and foremost. We have what I can only describe as an unwritten understanding that I will simply back off when needed with no explanation. That basically reduces the fights we might otherwise have. I should point out though that we don't live in the same city so we have the advantage of not being in constant contact. Is there anyway of limiting or scheduling your own contact? My chum and I also have developed verbal signals - ones which basically communicate 'I've had enough!'. All of this has taken a lot of thought, some discussion, and a great deal of understanding. It's ironic, communication may be one of the most difficult things with our BPD friends yet is the solution to so many of the problems.