Hello Jen! You sound so sweet, mentioning WildflowerChild like that. I am glad you had someone then who urged you in a way you could respond to. I find psych central to be an excellent source of support and information as well.

You live in a very beautiful place. I have also lived in many places, and find they give me a sense of themselves. When I lived in Wisconsin for 11 years growing up, I loved the woods and winters - but at 18 I moved to Tucson, the desert, with mountains on one side. I found the desert is not some place I can live in longer then 2 years without feeling stretched, thinned out in spirit. It is hard to explain, this feeling - but after I moved away from the desert, it would call to me yearly, and It took many years to get the desert out of my system. Now I live in Minnesota, up north - the land of 10k lakes. The amount of water up here at first made me way to emotional for years, but now I have been here 14 years. The longest I have ever lived anywhere - and I believe I will live out my life here. A very strange concept I got from my husband - who is stable.

I am 51, female. Diagnosed at around age 15 with BP. Diagnosed with GAD around 2009, and with BPD added on top around 2013. Not letting myself be treated during my life greatly effected how I viewed the world, and people and our connections. Since my life kind of fell apart (again) around 2009 - I have been trying to just focus on the stuff I can see and touch, and not worry so much about the invisible world. I can't make the world a better place on some grand psychic scale, all I can do is try to keep my own little life free of too much trouble. I still sabotage myself and my serenity, but that is a BPD thing.

I want people to read or learn from my mistakes, and hopefully they won't make the same types. But I think there are more then 1 type of person, some people listen to others and are careful, then others like myself - have to make all my own mistakes a few times before I learn. I am consistently inconsistent, and don't want to make friends I have to be responsible for. I am too needy and unpredictable for friendships, but I do like to help people in short term. I will share any experiences I have had to help someone. So, if anyone has questions about anything, I will share my own thoughts and experiences with them. Just message me.

Best of luck to us all!

Edit addition: I probably sound mean not wanting to make friends I have to be responsible for. I used to be really nice and would be taken advantage of. I remember the first day I said no I would not help someone out. I was 34, and sitting on a couch being asked to watch someones child again for free. I said I wished I could help, but I was entering into what would be a severe breakdown I never fully recovered from. Perhaps if I had stood up for myself more earlier in life, I would never have gotten so broken. But anyway - I really am not mean. But I can be blunt that's for sure. :P

Edit addition 2: To MusicLover82. I also used to describe myself as a social butterfly. I threw many parties in my late 20's early 30's with going to parties and being social all before then. A person can change from being really outgoing to becoming agoraphobic. Very strange. I still think of myself as very social, and in the store I am always talking to strangers. Other times, I have panic attacks if I have an appointment, and someone new is talking to me. People always still like me at first (I hide my issues well in the beginning). But I have learned over my lifetime, that I change to much to count on myself to make a commitment to people. I am really glad you are in a place where you can embrace others happily. Best of luck to you, and to us all. <3