Believe me i understand fear of rejection. I just started with a new t last week, and he dug that %#@&#! out real quick in that hour. it can suck, with your head screaming "say it! say it!" but the other half of your brain freezes and you just can't do it. the fan i understand well, but would have had to turn it off cause wind makes me panic. i wish i could offer u a cure all bit of advice. but hell, i cried myself to sleep on my bday cause i couldn't make myself ask my hubby for a hug. guess i just want to say ur not alone on this one.