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i cried myself to sleep on my bday cause i couldn't make myself ask my hubby for a hug

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That is painful, ouch. (((hugs))) It certainly rings a bell for me. When 100 times out of 100, I have to ask my husband for a hug, it is just constant rejection. You learn not to ask when you have constant rejection. If I didn't learn, I would certainly be stupid. It is no wonder I have the fear. I just have to unlearn that with new people. T is a start. Good description of therapy: learning that you will not always be rejected and so learning not to fear rejection.