You describe the experiences so lyrically, it makes it even more of a mystery. As for the first, maybe you are conflicted about something, something that makes you despondent as well as jubilant at the same time? (Or maybe they are separate things?). It does sound like a strong, urgent, very internal sensation, though, and sounds really uncomfortable. I'd mention it to T and pdoc and maybe just try to figure out what's behind it, maybe then it'll be less distressing. Good luck, Vertigo!