My grandma and grandpa had three daughters. One being my mom who passed away in 1996 suddenly. My brother and I rebelled and became the black sheep. All my aunts kids were superior and good. My brother and I were broken, drunk, bipolar, lost. My grandmother never was a kind woman. She was harsh and screeched a lot. She was honest to a fault. As my cousins got older and had families of their own, my brother and I remained on the loose. Wild. Resentful and mean towards our father. And never settled down.

Tonight I checked my mailbox and found my brothers bday card from my grandma (she's always mailed things to my house. She loves cards and snail mail and still believes in writing checks). The writing on the envelope was alarming. My brothers own name, along with city address was crossed out and re-written. Signs of confusion and forgetfulness. And now I'm worried. I spent my life afraid of this woman and now I'm worried. Sad thing is? She lives ten min down the road. I feel guilt. I should be helping her and forgetting all the bad. She is my late mothers mom. I should care. Right?

I will try and get my car going again. I will go see her as a adult me. I will patch up bad spots and get to know her and forget the past. What if I'm too late? What if she is sick yet still sees me for what I am? A bipolar, black sheep, angry little girl.

This was a rant. Guilt tripped vent. I will stick to my word though. I'm an adult now. She's not keeping chocolates from me. She has always intimidated me. But I have to get over my selfish **** and make things right. For my mom at least.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk