Hi,
I have it and lose it - I'm on very shaky ground emotionally - my body is also taking a huge hit from all of the stress and anxiety - it's literally shutting down. My digestive system in particular. I feel so helpless right now because I've been going around in circles for so many years trying to find help, going to so many healers and modalities and have really tried everything. Nothing has worked. It's basically been what I've learned here and there from a video or a book or something someone said somewhere that I took and ran with - or hobbled with. But I keep on losing power. Losing the momentum.
I have moments where my heart is bursting right open with grief. I sing and I was making jewelry till a few weeks ago - then TSHTF with my cat who got very sick and I just lost it. I can't grieve any more. I've over 40 and every single moment of my life (!) has been in grief mode. I want to be happy and I want to create. I want to feel something other than grief and sadness and not be in this depression. This is genetic I know - not going into that now - but suffice to say I'm also doing this kind of healing (wanting to) for my entire collective - the family of origin. So much dysfunction - it's unbearable.
I was born - fact - I am allive - fact - I survived - fact. I am treading water and am having a hard time staying afloat and not sinking.
And the tears are totally frozen.
Quote:
Originally Posted by justafriend306
CBT? It deals greatly with self-worth and shame. It was also helpful for beating back the PTSD.
But there is one thing you spoke about that hit home for me. the Creative connection. I lost that connection for these past 5 years and everyone of them was emotionally hell. My connection is the earth. I lost her, or my sense of her at least. I put my foot down and asked - no demanded - that I go on holiday in order to reconnect with her. It is a month away but already the joy I feel is overwhelming.
What can you do to find that 'spark' as you call it? Is it really that unattainable?
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