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Old Jul 15, 2016, 03:08 PM
Talthybius Talthybius is offline
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Member Since: Mar 2016
Location: Europe
Posts: 565
People never told me I made bad eye contact, acted too submissive, or anything else like that.

I think I made those mistakes, way back. A friend once did tell me I wasn't very socially capable/awkward. A fellow student recently said I have a stutter/hesitation in my voice that makes me come across insecure.

Not many people will help you.

Today I had a conversation with some students who work together in a team. And they started to complain about one of their team members. It always surprises me how vicious and honest people can be about someone who is not there. They were teammembers, so they need to talk about this. But I was basically just a stranger/new college. Apparently, he was both slacking, not keeping a lab journal, making mistakes that ruined all his work. They believed he lost his motivation to work on the project, as he would only talk about dungeons&dragons game to everyone, when no one was interested in that and everyone was annoyed by his obsession for what because they knew it was hurting his effort, and their project. He didn't even notice people were not interested in D&D and annoyed by his attitude.

They just finished it off by saying he was autistic.

No one of them will go up to him and help him dead with his autistic streak. Now I don't know this person. Maybe he is in his comfort zone talking about D&D. That feels safe to him. And people don't stop him, so he keeps going.

I was like this for sure, back when I was 19. I would share a cycle commute with one of my classmates, and I would ramble about stuff and I know I never paid any attention about if they actually cared about what I was telling them. I assumed, as they were friendly to me, and I was interested in that, and they didn't stop me or talk about something else, they wanted to hear it.
Anyway, at some point I found it odd that he didn't wait for me when he was at the bike racks before me. If it wasn't awkward, he would cycle away, acting like he never noticed me, knowing I would take a different route when cycling alone.

I am a scientist. So when like extended family ask what I do, and I explain them, they initially are like 'cool'. But when you try to explain some details they are like "Whoa, I don't want to know that. That's all way too complicated." even when you try to explain it in layman's terms. They just don't want to know.

So now when people talk about something sciency, and they look to me for conformation because I am the 'expert', I just say they are definitely right, and they are happy. Well, as long as I won't be lying about them being right. I don't want to explain why they are wrong, or why it is nuanced, because they don't want to hear about it. When they think they are in small talk, and suddenly they have to pay attention and see if they do or do not understand something new to them, they get uncomfortable.

So I suggest you start paying attention to how people react when you 'just "throw" all the information away, sounding like a machine.', it might not be helping you.