Hey Dotty. It's somehow good to know that there are people just like you. I know you aren't looking for people who sympathise with you, just for the reason to live after this everything. The reason may be that you aren't alone with this. I'm also a survivor of rape and every day it's getting worse. I had also suicidal thoughts, I even knew which song I would turn on then. Fortunately I have already been under a psychiatric treatment and I was seeing a psychotherapist that time so I got right medication. I think you should try it too. It will help a bit. Don't wait any longer, you can't treat it yourself.

Lots of love