I could have written some parts of your post, I was struggling believing that I really have a serious mental health issue and not just some spoiled old brat. However mental illness is called illness because it has nothing to do with our character. The causes of depression can be vary, but one reason is for sure, biological imbalance in the brain. Self-harming is too serious that I, personally, doubt that anyone would do it for the sake of pretending. Just sharing, what I keep trying to do is trying to stop blaming myself for what I feel. Blaming ourselves for having this issue won't take us anywhere. Rainyday said it perfectly that we can't control our feelings, what we can control is our actions. Send you hugs