I feel the same way little horse, I'm new as well, I had thought before diagnosis that everyone felt the same way as me, that's why no one ever discussed the paranoid thoughts inside my mind, there is so much information out there for our conditions that it can be confusing and overwhelming at time, I was abandoned as a young child by my mother, and it has been the main root of problems in my relationships. I am still unclear as to get over it but now that I understand that it was not my fault ie (me not being cute or good enough) for her, that it makes everything I am going through a little easier, there are also days I feel euforic and days I feel like a lump of coal, just have to keep fighting those fears and try to research and ask for help as much as possible, I'm not even sure right now if I have even covered any of what you were asking but just know you are not alone and keep fighting, no one knows you as well as you and no one knows who you want to be better than yourself, keep invisioning who you want to be and every small victory moves you closer to your end goal, hope you have a good day. Brian.