Just from reading your post alone, it seems like you suffer from a lot of inner pain in which you're using drugs to cope. This is a problem. You may not be physically addicted to anything at the moment but you are still a drug abuser and your past with drugs is alarming. I think you need to heal from the inside first and learn to be comfortable with your sober self.

And I feel like a hypocrite because I'm still struggling too lol. So I get your pain. I know the need to just want to be numb. If you ever get urges and need someone to talk to then feel free to PM me. I'm here a lot and I'm here for support for anyone here that needs it.

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