For many reasons, I've been picking up the booze again. Let's see, I'm in a mixed bipolar state, I get severe separation anxiety when alone, my psych meds aren't working. So while I wait to get to my next pdoc appointment, I've been drinking almost every night again. However tonight I'm forcing myself to stay away from the beer and my anxiety is through the roof.

AA has never helped. And I'm not so bad for rehab yet so I'm trying to do this running on will power alone, which I suck at.

And because I'm in a bipolar episode, I've been getting a bit dramatic when I'm drunk. Funny how I drink to calm myself then I end up over doing it and making an *** out of myself. My rage comes out. In the past week I've knocked over a coffee table and threw two chairs across the room.

I'm hoping when I see my pdoc on Monday that she can just listen to me for once and tweek my meds and keep me calm so I don't feel the urge to get smashed.

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