Chicken or the egg? Not sure. But I have begun to realize the WHY behind my addiction and not to be so hard on myself. No, I'm not excusing or justifying it. But what I am trying to shed is the guilt that's been piled on us, as if this is something we always wanted and could have prevented if only..?its the guilt I'm sick of and the guilt that isolates us. Maybe its time not to worry about all these judgemental people who really do nothing to help us, only shame us.