ybe he is making your mental condition worse. If when you and he get together, a bad environment starts, then leave him. qork on yourself. maybe he does want you for back up to trigger you. either way that is not nice. he should want you to get better and drop to his hands and knees to go to therapy and doctors visits and support groups with you. Trust me he doesnt care that you have a mental illness. people with mental illness are preyed on a lot. I try and just pretend i dont have anything. i never tell people my disease unless something rare comes up. stop letting him play you and your beautiful mind that you have. do things, any things, to get your mind off him. i had to make drastic changes i have no cell phone at all and will probably never get one, no computer (I am borrowing my husbands) so far it has worked out for me, but i am not you so i cant tell you what to do because that is annoying but i am just encouraging you to find some courage within yourself to change your heart to loving you first.