Dear Lana
It is for me, always, such a huge surprise that people can actually be in jail, and be innocent (believe me, I know by experience that it happens, and not even so rare that one would think). Before I worked in a prison, I had this naïve Norse thought: "Precious little Norway (note the sarcastic tone) has a perfect lawsystem and those who end up in jail only get what they deserve, after all it is the modern era of 2004"... And even then, when I still had this thought in my heart, I also KNEW that the "supposed to be killers" in Norways current most famous murder case are all in jail as a result of circumstantial evidence, and NO real proof. Personally, I don't call that beyond all doubt.

And in jail I was directly confronted with those who actually didn't do anything wrong, with those who had been set up by others, or those who had simply been at the wrong place at the wrong time. I know one cases where wasn't only just circumstantial evidence, but in fact there were some OBVIOUS details that proved the accused offender not guilty (but still he spent 13 years in jail before someone did something about it). I met surprisingly many who had an intelligence level on the limit of what it can be for actually entering a prison (a person of 6o in intelligence doesn't understand that if he knows how to drive a car it is STILL illegal to drive it without a driving licence). Is it the chronological age or the mental age that should decide if we end up in prison or some place to be taken care of for mentally disabled? (I don't think your husband has low intelligence, I just feel that the prison system is unfair for so many, and yet so many feel so confident with the maw/prison systems as they are-I don't know why? Often the REAL criminals are sitting safely on the outside protected by the law somehow, and using our kids, parents and siblings to do the dirty work out of despair, frustration or lack of knowledge--- or they are simply theone who gets the BLAME. Of the criminals who are sitting in there, the prison is usually just making life more difficult for them in an already impossible life. In prison protect the society for the person for so and so many years. When he is out on the streets again, he (or she) is ten times more frustrated and angry, has ten times more or accumulated problems, AND has learned a few new tricks from other criminals. These poor ones cannot manage outside the criminal world without proper help. Why do we trust a system that works like this? Why do we feel protected by this?).

And then you had all those who had never ever had adult support in their whole life, and never really understood the rules in the society because no one taught them. Or all those who had excessive problems at home, and was never picked up by any help system. Some of which had both some kind of disturbance (espescially ADHD, but also dyslexia and certain syndromes) and a bad home environment.

In fact, I find prisons the most outragious primitive solutions of problems in the modern age.

In addition, they are just escalating the problem by not being of any GOOD for the person in there. I know what you are feeling, almost every prisoner that was in my office could tell about similar feelings that you have. They would be frustrated because their wife/girlfriend was sick/having financial problems and they were not there to help them. The helplessness and frustration you are probably sharing with your husband, and those two feelings are paralyzing on the human mind. Huge, muscular, macho~ men, with tattoos and scars covering 80% of their bodies~ men, that were in jail for so imhuman acts I wont repeat them here~ men that nurses refused to talk to because they were scared of them~ these men broke down in tears talking about their loved one and not being able to be there for them. If there was one thing that could make them regret what they had done, it was the knowledge that becaue of that you cannot be with your loved one. For an innocent person that has nothing to regret, this must be a very confusing frustration. Doesn't it exist any kind of organization that offers free help for situations like this? or some place where you can apply for donations for help? I almost get frustrated myself, there must be SOMEPLACE you can get some help? Maybe ther eis some information online? Anywhere you can call? It is HORRIBLE if you get put in such a helpless situation, being disabled and all. Is there any way your husband can use his sickness to get reduced punishment or get out earlier? I know absolutely nothing about the prison and law system in the US, so I cannot come with any advice, really.

I cannot really find words that I find comforting enough, I can only remind you that at least this is temporary and not forever (at least I hope so? Forgive me my ignorance). I am not very religious, but I like this one very much anyway (maybe you can find strength in it too?):

God grant me the courage to change the things I can, the patience to
endure the things I can't change and the wisdom to know the difference. ...

Charlie