elainerd,

If something is affecting every aspect of your life it is time to seek immediate assistance of some kind.

This isn't your fault nor is it something you're going to be able to get under control on your own.

EDs can and do 'sneak' out of control so quickly and can rob us of all sense of self worth and sanity at times. I speak from years of battle many years ago.

I got help. I hated having to talk about something that disgusted me so but I realized that my body was in horrendous shape from my ED and that I was on my way to permanently damaging many systems of my body. That scared the hell outta me. I was lucky to find a great therapist who was fabulous in helping me to understand that an ED is the person with the ED against the ED. NOT the person with the ED against the person with the ED.

Beating yourself up will lead to more helpless feelings. Taking control by asking for professional help......no matter how difficult a step that may be........will empower you in a way that cannot be described. You can and will gain control with the help of professionals and the support of those who have done battle with EDs or are fighting EDs currently.

Get help!

Please.