I have a very similar kind of paranoia.....and I always blame myself for causing it. For instance, my sons friends were telling me about Dark-Net. It's some "other side" of the Internet. They told me about various crimes committed in this side of the Internet and about the snuff videos on it. I became certain that what they were doing was telling me how they planned to kill me and make a snuff film out of it. It was horribly distressing. I blamed myself and thought I must have acted wierd or done something in my past they found out about and wanted to kill me for it.

My paranoia is not my fault.....and neither is yours. Don't beat yourself up or blame yourself for things out of your control. I'm so sorry you are feeling so bad. It is absolutely horrible to feel someone is out to kill you. It sounds like you are not delusional about it as you can see that it's paranoia....but I also know that doesn't change how your body reacts to such a perceived threat.

I've never seen a snuff film and can only imagine how sick with paranoia I would become if someone showed me one. I'm really sorry you are dealing with this and I hope you feel better/less paranoid soon. Does anything help you when you are feeling paranoid?

(((Hugs)))