Remember also, his brain works the way it works for a reason (Asperger's & OCD), not by choice & even if he can learn to respond differently, many times the way the brain works slips out no matter how much learning is done when it comes right down to every day living situations.

Even before I found out what was the cause of my H's issues, I realized that he was NEVER going to be capable of change (I had no idea why at that time). He actually told me that he had worked hard at changing & had changed some. For the life of me I still don't know what that change actually was that he felt he had worked so hard to do.

It's not easy having your own space just having your kids but having a H that doesn't respect your space or is capable of understanding your need for that space, would make going back that much more difficult.

I know for me, when I committed to getting married in the first place, it was for better & worse & even though I really didn't like it, I tried to find whatever way I could to tolerate it for as long as I could (33 years) but it finally gets to a point where there was no more ability to tolerate the behavior & it just continued to escalate on the abusive end of things including me getting so frustrated & exhausted that I would punch him in the arm because it felt like I couldn't get him to even listen or hear what I was saying & that was the wrong approach because it caused an escalation of the physical problems only at 95 pounds to his 230+ pounds, I was hardly going to do any damage to him.

It honestly would have been better if I had left sooner but God didn't open up the door for it to happen until after my Mom died because she needed me while at the same time my own life & breeding my mare was going on in my own life. It wasn't until the point in time that it happened that all the pieces came together to make it possible for me to leave by just walking out & leaving EVERYTHING behind & starting over from scratch. Our daughter was grown & out of college & even out of state by the time I finally left......& Yes, I was the bad guy for leaving after those last 13 years that he "put up with" my continual migraines, my depression, suicide attempts & anorexia. Had no idea at the time that much of what I was going through was because of the bad marriage on top of loosing my career & had no place to hide away any longer. So much we end up seeing years later......that's why it's so wonderful that you are becoming aware & have a good T who is asking you questions to think about when you don't have the answers.

Something I have learned over the years......is that God will give you the answer you are asking for & until He does, it's best to do NOTHING but keep working on therapy & growing & learning how to best care for yourself. That way if God does give you the indication that it's right to go back, you will be stronger at caring for yourself & God knows the right time even for that. It's only been these last 9 years since I left my H that I have grown in my relationship with God & have learned to listen & hear His directions for my life & I have learned to have the patience to wait until I do get the directions clearly & realize that when it's not clear, then it's not time to take any action (or the action that keeps me where I am at the time without going back to where I was (or in my case to make other changes in my life). Trust prayers for you (keeping you in my prayers also) & trust that God will give you an answer that you will be aware of & like I said, have the patience to wait until you to get a clear answer & that no answer is to stay where you are & keep growing stronger on your own & in your relationship with God. Sometimes I have realized that it was so easy to depend on H for everything when in reality, God wants us to depend on Him & sometimes staying on our own longer gives us more time to learn how to depend on God rather than on H or ourselves for the things that we need in our lives. Just a few things that I have learned over the last 9 years after I left my marriage & patience was a huge learning curve for me. I wanted answers NOW, not later or when God would finally give me His answer. Have also found that God seems to give his answer after I think it's too late. Sort of like in the OT when Sarah gave Abram her servant Hagar to have a baby with because God hadn't gotten her pregnant yet. She was sure that her thinking that the promised baby had to come through those means rather than continuing to wait for herself to become pregnant when she knew it was impossible even though it was a promise from God. So often we are sure that our answer is the one God has for us when in reality we just haven't waited long enough for His REAL answer that he had all along for us.

I was honestly surprised when God opened the door for me to be able to walk away from my 33 year marriage because I thought God hated for marriages to end & that we were supposed to try to keep making them work no matter what. I know that God opened the door because I have been so blessed since walking through it & know what life would have been like if I had stayed.....but it took 13 years of really bad life (at the end of the 33 years) before that door was opened so that I could get out without having a horrible mess to deal with.