Well, here am I after taking my sleep potion, I guess it's getting harder to resist the effects. I'm not sure if it's different from before. (Tried a week or two without it, because of fear it would lose its power.

I don't look forward to the plumber, and I have no idea what day or time they might want to work here.

I have this weird sadness today at everything bad about the world. I'm sad about everything.

There's never a good time to call my mother. But I usually try to call on Sunday afternoons. I have to be quiet and listen to her social gatherings with scores of people I've never met. It is quite an achievement to get through one of these calls, much less be committed to weeks months and years of it. Still, I am terrified of her dying.

I know it doesn't make sense. It's just that my guilt would be boundless. Even hating her, the guilt, the guilt, the guilt.