I'm also having trouble for doing these in the past. I've stopped doing these recently though with lots of work. But it paid off

I was the drum major for a marching band and some times things didn't go my way, and so the coach got mad at me. Sometimes I end up feeling sorry for myself and tell them (also to my friends) that I'm not feeling well or things like that. Some of them pity me, but some didn't seem to fell for my trick. I was supposed to be their leader, yet I was standing there pretending to be sick. It sucked but I was to afraid to handle the problem, I thought "it's better to deal it this way. maybe they'll understand". The thing is they won't. At the end of the day, I lived my high school marching band life with no friends and was always isolated.

I did that cuz I'm too afraid to be responsible for my actions, the only thing to change is to be tougher to yourself. Don't feel sorry for yourself, deal the problem in a more professional ways. It is hard and I know. People go through this phase in life, some succeed because they're more eager to change. The good news is, it's trainable! So work on, build your courage. And don't feel sorry for yourself and be tough. good luck