Hi passionfruit3
You sound as if you are in a lot of pain. I'm sorry you are going through this. No one's life is perfect, but I understand that you feel you have more than your fair share of problems. I have physical disabilities as well as MI, while my sister is physically perfect. She once said to me, "Do you ever wish I had one of your disabilities?" No! Of course not! You probably feel the same - you wouldn't wish it on anyone, but it's not fair you have it! Sweetie, your life is far from over...who knows what's around the corner?
I'd rather have a poor uneducated boyfriend that adores me than a rich superficial one. If he doesn't adore you, dump him! You deserve the best, open yourself to life when you are ready and it will all come to you.
Hugs