I feel like now I have completely lost all the recovery I had ever had. Feel like I've even fallen harder and deeper into my ED then I ever have before. I had so many many years of awesome recovery and I never thought that I would get to a point that I have gotten too. And the really horrible thing is I feel like I can even fall farther then I already have. In a downward spiral of fear of food. Thing is too, is that I dont want to recover this time. Feel like ED is the only true comfort in my life. Ed comsumes 90% of my every thought. Makes me feel less of a failure then I am.