So. I just looked at porn for the first time, focusing on a minor kink I've had for years.

Based on my reactions and what I saw: I'm apparently more visually aroused by females despite ultimately, mentally preferring males. And now finding males kind of disgusting sexually. The thought of actually having sex is still (perhaps even more so now) repulsive to me, but the idea of romantic or sensual attention (kissing, cuddling) from a man is still appealing, and I can't imagine doing any of that with another woman. I tried finding more "suitable" pictures, more in line with what I wanted to find in the first place, and that second attempt actually did get me aroused...now I'm just confused. What do I like? If anything? Can I make it go away?

I'm already sexually delayed - I mean, I'm 22, and I'm just having something that resembles a sexual awakening, just looked at explicitly sexual things for the first time and was repulsed. I'm not even sure why I'm posting this other than some mild distress. I don't know what to think or feel. I am glad I'm no longer as disturbed by sexual imagery as I was a few years ago, but...I guess I feel strange about this whole thing.

I've thought before that I wish I could be asexual; those thoughts are coming back. Then I wouldn't have to deal with this conflict between desire and disgust.