Dear so_punk_rock:
I'm glad your at this site occupying your mind with something. I agree with everything HalloweenSkye said.
I made an attempt last year. (I had no insurance and both my spouse and I were unemployed). I now know I was irrational in some ways. I don't want you to go down the road I did. Please reply and let us know you're feeling at least as rational as your 1:14 PM post.
When I first admitted I had suicidal thoughts, I was working and was able to get medication. I did not admit to the doctor that I was also drinking but the medication did stop the suicidal thoughts. And I was still drinking. And I made my attempt about 30 days after discontinuing my meds. I could have gone back to the doctor out of pocket to update my prescriptions but I thought I could handle it. I couldn't. I was still drinking.
In retrospect, I deeply regret my attempt. I sincerely hope it doesn't happen to you. Sometimes I still feel fragile. I still get anxiety, sadness and panic attacks but am happy to be alive. When I made my attempt, I was extremely lonely like you. But our depression fuels part of our loneliness. It's chemical and it's the awful stressers that life throws our way. If you hang on. It might get better.
Saving money by not treating my depression was a terrible decision. We want you to get better. Please hang in there.
Sincerely, Myst