(((((((((((( Monty )))))))))))

I've had feelings like that sometimes during my depression... and afterwards, I've come out stronger than ever. So don't give up hope, you might be the same in your fight against this. Maybe you could make a list of what is good and bad about an ED, such as (bad things) shame, fear of food, fear of calories, constant tiredness, constant worry over eating, always worried somebody will find out, etc. And what are the good things? Well, some are evident such as fast weight loss, but they come at a price! I know you're currently working hard in college... try to put that before the ED...