Well, I have had a couple of driving with T fantasies, as I mentioned in the other thread. I'll repeat that a bit here.

The first was one day I had a rental car from the car dealership when my car was in for repair. The rental was a brand new royal blue Honda Element. It was cute as a bug, handled really well, made me sit up high, and I just loved it. I felt cool! Also, I was in the midst of my dopamine excited state from my experiment with Buspar, and I just felt a rush of that rewarding feeling every time I looked at the car. Anyway, I drove the car to therapy, and I wanted to tell T about it, bring him out into the parking lot, and share the car with him and my pleasure over it. I wanted us to go for a drive with him driving. I pictured us driving north along the lakeshore, and maybe even then going up in the area where he lived. I don't know why I thought that, but I did. I figured he would know the area really well. I could never share this fantasy with T. I think in part it stems from this dream I had about him and our cars (which I did share with him). We both have Hondas and in the dream we worked on them together, with T giving me instructions on how to make some of the repairs.

My second "car" thoughts were many months ago, when in session, T made a phone call about a meeting he had to go to right after my session. He was arranging a ride to it with a friend. "Be here at such and such a time, I can't be late," etc. And he told this friend where the meeting was, and it was on my way after session, and I believe he knew this. I always wondered if he was somehow hinting to me that he would like me to offer him a ride. This was early in therapy, and I just was not prepared to give T a ride anywhere. We would have to sit side by side in my car for a while! The passenger side of my car was a disaster! He would get crumbs on his pants and his feet would rest among a legion of dirty kleenexes and old food wrappers. What would we say?! Would it be awkward?! It was too much, too soon, lol. Now, I wouldn't hesitate to offer him a ride if this happened again, but back then, no way. I feel I know him now, so it would probably be OK. I would probably be very nervous and break some traffic laws. Hopefully, I wouldn't get us killed or anything. I have wondered what music I would play if we rode together, and I have a CD all picked out! T, I'm ready for ya! I think.