Dear Azarga, I read your entire story. It was quite interesting and sad. You strike me as extremely intelligent and depressed. You've actually done quite a lot of things for a 27 year old. Your skillset is probably more robust than you think and 27 is young. Depression is just so tough. With your heartbreaking childhood, you probably know that you need therapy but are occupied with all kinds of daily things (making money, etc.) I hope can find the time and resources to seek treatment. I actually see why your wife was attracted to you -- you seem intelligent and brave. I truly hope your situation improves!
Sincerely, Myst