I think I have to divorce my wife.

I'm almost 35 years old. She is 32, and we have a soon-to-be 5-year old daughter. My daughter means everything to me at this point. My wife used to share that title with her, but it seems like every day I'm growing less and less tolerant of our relationship.

We both claim that the other is mentally abusing (she has said "**** you" to me dozens of times), and we both have been asking for the other to change things for years. The difference is I have been asking my wife to grow-up (which she acknowledges because of poor up-bringing) and fix bad habits (e..g smoking, cursing in front of our daughter, learning from her mistakes and paying the price)..... she is asking me to be a different person mentally. I really don't have near the bad habits and I'm far more mature.

Divorce has been mentioned several times in the past, but then for one reason or another one of us will just let it go and try to "stick it out". Well last night I reached my tipping point and told my wife I was done with this marriage. She then proceeded to go ballistic (which I got on audio recording). After awhile she then started to physically abuse me trying to get the camera from me that I was using to record her. So then I tried to upload the files to my cloud drive and change my password because we both have access to eachothers' accounts. Well the problem is her email account is the recovery for my account so she didn't authorize the password change, then proceeded to change my password herself. So now I'm locked out and she refuses to give me the password until I give her the tape.

She has a long history of mental issues, which she has been to counseling for, for years.

We are both stubborn about this, blaming eachother. However, everything inside me says I genuinely react to her issues first. I may not be seeing things how they are, but I swear I find myself thinking "I can't believe I entered that situation level-headed and she still got offended and started yelling at me".

I don't know what to do. At this point I just want to move on as a divorced father and find happiness again, but she has shown distinct signs that this divorce process is going to be long and painful. I would be more than happy to split everything 50/50 as long as I get to see my daughter 50% of the time too, but she thinks she deserves the normal treatment that mothers get with regard to custody. I don't want my daughter to suffer through divorce arguments, but at this point I think that would be less damaging than staying together in a bad marriage and having her hear the fighting non-stop. I'm hoping that because she is not even 5 yet, that her mother and I can find a new normal before she goes through adolescence.

Anyone have any thoughts? I'm sure plenty of people will suggest marriage counseling. The problem with that is it costs a lot, and we had already tried couples counseling years back before we got married or had our daughter and it didn't help at all. I don't want to invest a lot of time and money into counseling with the possibility that in the end she will still try to spent $1,000s on a lawyer to screw me over anyway. Also, then I lose out on precious time with my daughter at an important age.