I have a problem in that I have been holding onto this resentment towards my parents and aunt for many years now. It is personal between my aunt and myself, but the resentment towards my parents is kind of different.

See: My parents raised 3 children (sort of). I am the youngest, my brother (M) in the middle and my sister (J) the oldest. They HATED my sister, so she was half-in/half-out of the home throughout my entire childhood & early teens. J spent a lot of time growing up with my dad's parents and then juvenile hall. Even when J was an adult, my parents didn't treat her well.

Meanwhile, my parents bragged about how wonderful M and I were. I freaking hated it!! It made me gag, and still does. I just feel this fury inside of me. M was/is a piece of **** and I hate him too!

It is really hard for me to let go of these memories that finally came out of repression several years ago. I cannot seem to do it! While most of me wants to let go, a part is still really mad about it & is tired of blaming myself for everything. I can honestly say that I never felt "loved" by my parents. I have always questioned their motivation for everything, I can't trust them.

A few weeks ago, I went to visit them in California. (My daughters were staying with them) We had a terrific time, it felt okay to be with them. A week or so after getting home, I posted a note on FB that I was proud of how terrific my girls are. A day passes & then I see that my dad wrote how proud he was of his daughters & son too, and all of my rage came back again!!

I do NOT understand how he could possibly make a remark like that when he's had absolutely *nothing* to do with J for 15+ years. And then to add M onto his list of wonderful people?? Aaargh!!! It makes me SICK!

Sorry for griping in here. I just feel like no one really knows what I'm talking about. At least maybe you are able to get this gist.... Thanks.