hey. yeah, i hear what you are saying about the person needing to accept you for you. trouble with me is... i'm not terribly sure who i am. there are lots of things that i do in my life that i really wish i didn't do... i'm wondering if those kinds of things are more a function of me spending a lot of time by myself... and whether they would just kind of disappear if i was living with someone. they disappeared well and truely (and i didn't have a desire for them even) when he was here. but that was only a couple weeks and so who knows if that is sustainable.

part of it is about... my getting into this really not productive mopy headspace. just kinda moping around playing computer games or whatever and not doing stuff that would be good to get done (a bit of a tidy or doing some washing or something like that). i think its partly about... me not really being accountable to anyone... nobody sees my messy room, for example, and if they do i feel royally embarrassed... but when i was with him i was just a bit more on the ball with that kind of stuff. do'nt know what i'm saying really.

maybe it is about... me wanting to be a better person (where better consists in something that i want for myself). so... i would like to change those things for me, yeah. and... for him. 'cause i'm happier when i'm more productive and stuff...

yeah... can't make someone love us. i think that i am taking some little risks with telling him about me. and they seem to be paying off so that is nice. and on this note... library opens in one hour so i'm going to go find coffee and somethign to eat so i can type 'em up when it opens. have a nice day