Title says it. Had a break up with my girlfriend of 3 months. Known her for about two years and were great friends before. This was the kind of relationship where 90%+ of the time we got along. I loved her a lot.

I'm not ganna get into details of how the break up happened, but I'll just say we were both upset and angry. It was very emotional.

Anyway...been talking to a mutual friend of ours who is pretty certain that my ex will come around and we'll be able to reconcile because the love was strong.

Me: I like to fix things right away to heal. Her: I'm learning she needs to take her time.

Basically all I see is for the majority I need to get better at listening and she needs to calm her temper (it is pretty short).

I want so badly for her to talk to me and come around. Pain is hurting. It's been 3 days and she didn't say a word to me. Although I've given my mom my phone. Reason is because I don't quite trust myself not to persistently text or call my ex. I highly doubt I got anything from her though I didn't look today (didn't ask my mom to see my phone).

My problem is I getting really into the strong possibility she will come around and we will reconcile. What am I going to do if she doesn't do so?

Sunday morning (night after it happened) I tried to kill myself. I have a pattern of dealing with rejection by getting suicidal/depressed and persistently texting or calling the rejector. But since I've seen my therapist once (seeing her again tomorrow so it'll be twice this week) and written a lot. I made a safety plan and I am trying to stick to it.

I'm trying to change my patterns. Unfortunately, during my wildly irrational texts of emotion to my ex, I said mean things and I also told her I was attempting. She thinks I meant to trigger her and take advantage by doing that, but I was actually really hurting. Again, this is a pattern of mine.

Anyway...I love this girl so much and I know she loves me. We got I a fight is all. Verbal. Some not so nice things said. I tried to stay calm, but yelled a couple times. She called me some names when she was super angry and later apologized. Yet somehow we still broke up. At which point I lost it and texted and called her like crazy the next day.

What am I going to do if she doesn't come back?

I keep talking to our mutual friend who has known her since childhood and she says she really thinks she will bounce back. That she just needs time so not to push her. That's why my mom has my phone so until I get a hold of my urges, I literally can't.

I don't want to not be forgiven and feel I ruined the relationship. Knowing her for so long, this is the girl I wanted to marry. And she wanted to be with me a long time too.
Similar values, sense of humor, interests, etc. So alike it wasn't funny. Damn it I love her.

Please tell me she is coming back. What will I do if she doesn't? :,(

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