Hi Azarga,
Thanks a lot for sharing. Sorry i want to be suscint but I don't have your order in writing (excellent!) or your English level (amazing!). So, I apologize in advance if my message appears as blunt or disordered. Hope I can transmit my thoughts clearly anyway.
First at all: no, you are not the sole responsible for this outcome. You have a quite heavy background and frankly you have been amazing at dealing with it. So, please, try to get rid of some of the heavy stones you are carrying in your mind right. It is not your fault you got the kind of parents you got. Man, being a child of a heavy drinker is a terrible karma. You survived, you are a survivor, but if you have profound scars from it, and that is normal. You would not be human if you did not have scars. You grew up in a country that went through a huge change. Those social and economic changes produced a lot of casualties and you are a casualty somehow. I am telling this because also I was raised in a country that went through a lot and I know pretty well that that brings consequences to individuals in all dimensions.
It is important for us, people with depression and anxiety, to get rid of unnecessary feelings of guilt. We need to acknowledge external sources of depression, and the different factor contributing to our mental health condition. Neither we are superhuman able to endure everything, nor superagents causing everything that happens in our lives. Yes, we make decisions, sometimes wrongly. But we suffer from different conditionings as well, including the environment we live in, our childhood, the way our brain works, etc, etc
Secondly, I bet you have more skills than you think. Your writing is very good. Your English is very good. I am a psychologist (with focus on Education). I worked in international organizations for more than a decade and interacted with several people speaking English as a second language, so I am able to appreciate your sophistication.
I do not have a piece of advice for you but I just told you my first impressions.
Please, keep posting
Sending you a hug