thats ok. i guess... i just think it matters more that you are feeling really traumatised by this. i... don't think that he did rape you - but i do think that it is really very understandable that you are feeling traumatised by what happened.

i really hope that you can talk to a therapist about this. sounds like you have a lot of pain and i don't think that that sounds silly or anything like that at all. hang in there.