I know at some point or another I mentioned how much I want to go on a vacation of my own. I am re starting that want doesn’t quite cover it NEED is probably a lot more suitable. I am dealing with a lot right now and just is the plain truth I am pushing myself hard to get through my course work by the 28th of next month (which is technically the end of my last semester of vet tech work THEN ai am also studying out my textbooks and extra stuff cause after the 28th I get to proctored exams. I am also getting ready for doing a several month long CNA training class starting I think in September I have been for the most part studying for this off and on for a while and I feel pressure for it but I also feel prepared also. Dealing with all this and work.



as well as all my mental health BS which is ranging from random PTSD triggers and trying to actively work on that with therapist, to friggin annoying ADD issues of forgetful ness ALWAYS annoying.



been having more increases of panic/anxiety attacks and been shying away from socializing with others more. Also having really bad mood swing and anger/temperament issues. And admitting all this to not only therapist but to psychiatrist, and thinking of doing an anger management class in January to hopefully help out.



that and feeling like I am working my butt off an not really seeing it as far as in my income which not gonna lie does not help someone with depression issue and low self esteem. As well as trying to make myself eat better and work out more. lol all of which I some how have been doing on top of everything else. lol and trying to de-clutter and clean house each day. AND dealing with the puppy and getting him in to do train lol which I friggin finally managed to do. lol gonna be again starting him on a proper obedience class in January when I have more time. But yeah as we can see I am kind of going batty for kind of obvious reasons. But I am holding on as best I can. and I know that if I keep holding on I can treat myself to a really amazing trip somewhere for a little bit. lol just feeling the green eye of jealousy as of late with friends and family taking nice trips places and me selfishly wishing i could but know i don't have the time or the money to do it . Ate least for right now anyway.