Quote:
Originally Posted by hezaa82
My dad is a really nice guy, but I'm starting to wonder if being too nice could be a bad influence on me in some way?
Christmas is coming up and my dad keeps asking what I want for Christmas. I told him one thing that I wanted, but he keeps asking "are you sure you don't want anything else? Tell me what else you want."
Normally I'd think he's just a nice guy wanting to make his kids happy. But I'm trying to think about how my dysfunctional family affected me and that maybe my dad had some part in it too, not just my alcoholic mother. I've read somewhere that it's not good if a child is made to feel responsible for their parent's happiness. I wonder if my dad made me feel that way a little. He could have been a role model for codependency as much as my mom. My mom was codependent and love addicted to my dad so obviously she modeled that for me. But maybe my dad also modeled basing your life around another person (his kids?) and not having a strong sense of self. My dad doesn't really have hobbies or a social life. It's always been "whatever you guys want to do" or "we can go out to eat here, if it's ok with you" and "are you sure it's ok, we don't have to go if you don't want."
Am I totally wrong in thinking this could have been a bad influence?  |
I am in the exact same situation with my parents but reversed roles. My father is the alcoholic and my mother the mother teresa. While I can certainly never say my mother was not there for us because she was more than present and more than caring, I resent her sometimes for that. and I definitely also feared/fear that that's the model that was ingrained in me, an extremely unhealthy model. I don't know how old you are, are you still living with your parents?
I am 30 years old and recently married, and am still terrified of repeating my parents model.
And you're absolutely right, you feel responsible for your father's happiness because you're his only investment. He probably thinks he's compensating for your mom's disease, which he is in a way - but at the same time, parents dont realize that their job is that we can grow into healthy independant adults, and while life brings us worries, it should not be from your own parents!! they should be the soothing part of your life, not a source of worry.
If my mother had friends, a social life, interests outside of catering to our every need, I would certainly be a MUCH MUCH happier individual.
I completely understand you and I don't think you're wrong.