Sitting in my car today waiting for 12.00 - my T time slot - I remembered T asking what I do as I await my session? I said "I sit in my car and play candy crush"

T said, "do you not prepare yourself for the session?".

Me: nope.

Why that conversation should come back to me today as I say waiting. But I decided to put down distractions and think about what was going on for me in that moment.

I noticed I felt confused. I told T that when I entered our room.

T nodded. I asked what was that all about? T said, well life outside of therapeutic is fixed, we mostly know what's going on, in therapy nothing is fixed.

That's nave me ponder life -again - just gave robotic we can live it. I think I prefer the uncertainty of the therapeutic hour. I enter, 50mins later I am sometimes leave - not every session - more aware than when I walked in. That feels more alive.