First post, aloha. I'll try to keep this short.

I'm 38 years old. I'll try to give a brief history of my past for context. Months before my 21st birthday I was hit with a softball sized tumor in my left chest growing into my lung and heart cavities, with my nerves and subclavian artery to my arm passing through it. After diagnosis, I was placed on a weekly chemotherapy regimen that ended up lasting years, interspersed with break periods to rebound. I underwent radiation after shrinking it which stopped the growth for two years, then it resumed as did treatment. As no more radiation could be done, this has left me with a lifelong sentence of weekly chemo, which makes me miserable from Mon until Thurs. So long story short, from the age of 21 to two years ago (36) I was doing this. Two years ago, watching my life pass before my eyes, my body and mind hammered from so much chemo, and becoming suicidal, I said, "enough is enough". I've stopped it for good and have decided to let my tumor do as it will as I can't live like that. If my life ends prematurely, then that's the hand I've been dealt and I've made peace with it. I've put up a tremendous fight.

But my life's not over yet, and I fully intend to make good on what time I do have. Problem is, I'm coming out of this dark tunnel with nothing to show for it, not even my health. I've no education, no career, no skills, I've never been in love or even had any relationship of real consequence, I have no family of my own, I live with the parents on $1k/month disability (half of which goes to room/board) so have no independence, very little financial flexibility, and my social skills, confidence, and self-esteem are in the gutter as I have nothing that society deems valuable. I have immense anger problems and suffer from Bipolar II as well as social anxiety. I'm currently in community college pursuing an English degree as well as I'm able, to what end I'm unsure.

The reason I'm posting is I'm very depressed about my relationship prospects. I desperately crave intimacy, so much so that I literally tear up when I see couples. I've not been with anyone since right before diagnosis--17 years ago--still remain a virgin (yea, laugh), and it's torture to endure....both from the social stigma and physically. This isn't to say I'm completely inexperienced but I wanted to wait for someone in a relationship I cared for, but was yanked out of any life conducive to it, not to mention was an utter wreck both mentally and physically for a very long time afterwards. I didn't know how to make any friends or otherwise, because there was no basis for commonality, combined with a miserable existence. Most people run from illness, especially the young. Now, nothing's changed. All my peers have educations, have built careers, they have homes, kids, they travel, have social lives. I know nothing of these, only of cancer (of which most my age know very little of), Bipolar II, mental hospitals, narcotic detoxes, self mutilation, botched surgeries, disabilities, etc. Who wants to deal with this?? As for women in the dating scene at my age? Many have teenage kids, and they want an independent man who can afford what's to be expected of someone their age who's experienced a "normal" life.

So my question is: how do I approach connecting with people, woman in particular? I feel like I'm from Mars. It's not that I have trouble talking to people, but there's no grounds to relate past superficialities. I'm frustrated, but am in no way interested in a hooker as paying removes all excitement to me. I desire a mental connection just as much as a physical one, but I don't have the experiences even close to what others have had to build any foundation for it, or a current situation that can help. Given how drastically divergent my life has been for so long, where do I even begin?

Any insight would be greatly appreciated.