Hi,

I'm trying to move on from the trauma of having been in a life-threatening situation as a child, but find myself stuck.

I grew up afraid of my dad. Based on how heavily I've dissociated, my therapist (whom I saw for a few years before losing my job) actually believes there was a time or a moment when I was absolutely certain I was going to die..

I've been living on my own for almost 10 years already, but my body is still in a state of shock, fear and alertness. I constantly feel like I should run away from something so as to not be hurt.

I think what's keeping me stuck is that I'm angry, angry that no one protected me from this, angry that I had to dissociate, to lose myself, to develop a false self just to survive.

I hope sharing the fact that I'm angry will help me finally feel validated and to move on.. And as unfair and awful as it was that I had to go through this, maybe there is a meaning to it all, even if I can't yet see what that is..

Thank you for reading