There was one of these guys I have been talking too from when I was a camgirl and pretending I liked what I was doing and then I just stopped talking to him and he was like "where are you at?" to be honest it just hurts to much to pretend that I am not still hurt with men. It hurts to much to talk to them and it sucks. I really wish I didn't feel this way but I feel like I will always feel this way. To me I am in disbelief that I would ever be happy with any man and to be honest I don't want anything to do with how I am feeling but I can't help but be stuck here and it hurts everyday. I can't for the life of me talk to them in more than just a friend way because I find it hard as if it is to not get rid of them. It is already challenging enough to want to be friends with them let alone sleep with them and date them it's just unthinkable for me. I just don't want to feel this way anymore but it is how I feel and I have to respect that. I can't talk to them anymore if it is causing me pain that is just not loving to myself.