Whenever I am on the phone with T I push him away after about 10 minutes or sometimes much, much less. (1 or 2 minutes) I have been wondering why I do this and just realized something.

I push him away because I have a tendency to spill my guts on the phone about things I can't say face to face. For example, the first time I spoke to him about SI was on the phone and I have used the phone to tell him about some other things that are difficult for me to talk about when I am in session. So, when I am on the phone, the conversation gets really intense very quickly. It's like I just have to blurt this information out and then hang up before he realizes it's me! Then, in session, he rarely brings up the phone conversation.

I don't do the e-mail thing with him, so have no frame of reference for that. Sometimes I even call him and leave him a message and say, "You don't have to return this call, but I need you to hold onto this for me." It's like I need him to be the backup to my hard drive..... to hold those painful things for me that I need to work on but can't handle at the moment. That, in time, when we the time is right to integrate these things, we can manage them together. It's teamwork and I feel comforted by it. I feel like he's got my back.