Hello all. I am new to the forum and I am having a lot of nervousness about it. I guess its hard to just open up and admit things about yourself. However, I'm desperate, I feel as though I am dying inside and my life is spinning out of control.
I am having EXTREME anxiety that my husband will leave me it is so bad that I don't trust him about anything. I must add that I know intellectually that he want, and he does love me. Its in my head and I can't get it out. I spy on him, I question him continuously, I invade his privacy. When I ask him a question about these things and he answers them I second guess his answers and STILL argue with him. Its as though the "conflict" I made up in my head is real and not what he is telling me. We have been married 41/2 years. He is VERY dedicated to me and usually understanding. However this is all starting to wear thin on his nerves and it is just about to push us to divorce. I also have trouble communicating with him. Whatever he says I seem to argue with him, this can be about ANYTHING!
Now I have to tell you, I have read many self help books, I have been to a psych./psychologist and I have been off and on medications. I have ALOT of issues from my childhood (death of father when I was 6, sexually molested, emotionally alienated by mother, in a VERY physically abusive and dysfunctional relationship between mother and stepfather). I have been discouraged by the psych. groups because they tell me with all of this it will be YEARS to get through this. I want to be better now. I can't aford to lose my 2nd marriage. I feel frightened all the time. I have physical symptoms of anxiety, stomach, breathing, heart, head. I am thinking about returning to the doctor (medical) for maybe some ativan or something. It seems every year the anxiety is getting worse!
Sorry to go on and on. Does anyone have any hope for me. Is there a chance of living a NORMAL, peaceful life?
I am going through a program (self-help) Attacking anxiety and depression. Im listening to relaxation tapes. I'm doing yoga and have just started hypnosis with a hypnotherapist. (has anyone tried that)?
I feel like I want to RUN.... that means me leaving my husband. He says he wants us to go to marriage counseling, I have told him about my issues in the past and he just throws these up at me and says my problems come from that.

Help, please. Any suggestions, comments would be appreciated.