Dear Chal. Been there, done it, been there done it been there done it. Wow, and what a rollercoaster ride or should I say rides I have been on. Being clean and sober life is real I guess. But is it? I have been on both sides. When you are clean it is great. But it is a lot of work to stay that way. So many times I have chosen the other path, becasue there is not work, there is no pressure. I really think you should try it. At least that way you can make up your mind. Remember, you have to give up friends and places and things. Everything you know has to be left behind. I guess because high has been my life for so long it has been the biggest struggle ever known. You have to want it with all your heart and soul or you cant do it. No matter what anyone tells you. I am 51 Chal. I have been getting high in one form or another since I was 13. Like I said it is the hardest thing to do! YOU HAVE to WANT IT. And if and when you do decide that, we are all here behind you with big cheers and clapping our hands for you. It is a brave brave move. You may find that many other problems will go away. And the problems yo do have will be easier to deal with. But you know what. I love you and I want you to feel good and happy. Try the sober life it may be just what you have been searching for. I love you. Curley