Thank you so much luce.... and I didn't mean to hychack the direction of this thread, just seemed you all might get it. My t hasn't said DID is the issue and I don't know if it is or not, but everything going is so hard and confusing to try to explain to him, I don't know if the uncertainty is in me or in my attempts to explain what doesn't make sense anywhere.

I have read many posts about the 'take overs' and internal playgrounds and blackouts (beginning to wonder on this a bit now though as I am realizing more and more conversations I have blown off to bad memory when people have mentioned big things... just talked to my mother about a road trip that apparently was a week long and was so bad for me it involved me refusing to drive home with the same person I went with. My mother said I was practically distraught over the entire thing and the only thing I remember is a vague idea of going to see my brother graduate from military, which was the point of trip... but no membrane if anything about it and I was 30, not a kid).. .... and so I thought most of those things that specify this issuedon't happen to me, but so so many other things just really fit, except I hate everything about me and don't want them happy, so I wondered.

I sure appreciate your insight especially tonight as it's a super bad day and nite right now.