overload...
i cant do this much longer...
please help... i just need some kind of form of encouragement...
therapy next week...
i cant cope... i try these simple coping skills...
deeep breathe.... 4 seconds in 8 seconds out...
count objects... notice smells... sounds... feel sensations...
its backfiring... i am trapped... overloading...
its bad... it hurts... but then i go away... and its happening too much... too fast...
my head spins... what am i doing? where am i going..?
wait... did i say what am i doing..? i dont know if anyone can understand what i mean... to fall in and out, realizing you are here repeatedly because you keep disapearing... what...
i cant focus... not easy to explain these things for me... i dont like to talk...
i like to just stay alone and be quiet... please make the noise go away
i need silence... but there is no silence... there is no escape.. i cant stay away...
cant turn it off... cant just get over it... cant cope... dont know why im so stupid these tools dont work... im so broken that i cant ... whatever...
i dont know what i am going to do... i cant live like this... i hate this life...
i hate the pain... i hate my problems.... get worse... how can things get better...?
when i cant focus long enough to make a difference... i just want to hide...
i am hurt... why cant i just go away for ever...
i dont know... i just dont know....
overload... i am going to explode... flush the world down the commode...
my soul erodes... going down these roads...
try to hold on... pay attention whats going on... but everything blurs past the perception... a demonic possession... evil conception...
i want out... cry and pout... but no noise is made... locked in a cage... this world the maze...
pain drops me to my knees... begging stop please... allow my release...
something less atleast...
unheard... perturbed... disturbed... murdered...
who am i... its not fair... i thought it was clear... but my explanations are no were near...
the words elude those whom could guide me... casting illusions on those whom i could confide in...
why does the mind want me to suffer... its not fair...
i cant live with this... what day is it? its been a week... since you've been asleep... im growing so weak... please the pain is too steep...
i am misery...
and i am history...

overload... no where to go anymore... to be called out... casting doubt...
to show the exterior world... just how much i hurl...

i am scared there is no help for someone so shattered...
i will just anger everyone that tries to help for their attempts failing in vain...
its not fair... why such a conviction... disease with a mission...

just maybe a little encouragement of some form... dont know what anyone could do or say... but just trying anyway...