In my opinion, this goes a long way towards explaining why you are so defensive and alert to potential attack. It sounds like in your family of origin, you had to be on the lookout constantly lest you suddenly be attacked. Comments that would be perfectly innocent in the mouths of others often meant imminent attack in your family of origin. Yes? It sounds like you needed highly sensitive antennae and you needed to be ready to defend yourself at any moment.

It sounds like, even now, you need such defensive alertness when it comes to dealing with your cousin. Yes?

My mother was very much like what we are speaking about. And so for many years, if someone were to ask me a reasonable question out of honest curiosity and interest, such as "Are you going to continue your volunteer work?", I automatically, viscerally, instinctively hear it as a criticism. In my mother's mouth, such words meant something like "What the **** is wrong with you, wasting your time on that! As usual, you disappoint me."

With therapy, I am getting better and nowadays I don't necessarily hear questions as criticism, especially if I remind myself that the person is just asking a simple, reasonable question out of interest in me. And if I do hear them as criticism, I can bring myself back to calmness/reality.

To me, what you said in fifth grade shows how hurt you already were.



How much did you also find (as a child) that people suddenly blew up at you for the most insignificant events?