Hello Forum mates...

I have taken a hiatus from the site for years.. well I am back again where I began.. I initially began with my depression shortly after a mental break down and depersonalization from use of marijuana and a major 4yr break up.. i went through hell and back and was functioning enough to finish my masters degree from the University of Wisconsin. But.. Now I have slid back into my depression again. I have began to drink and think morbidly.. I am on lexapro (10mg) and welbutrin (300 mg- 150 twice a day). I have begun to think on death and more dark things once again.. but death is a fascination of mine.. if i can attach my artwork i will.. I am looking for other who have healed and have returned to depression again.. its like a never ending disaster.. I am so sad.. why has God given me this disease?